37 Things you’ll regret when you’re old

Dear Fellow Journalers,

These 37 items comes from a blog named Lessons Learned from Life:

  1. Not traveling when you had the chance. Traveling becomes infinitely harder the older you get, especially if you have a family and need to pay the way for three-plus people instead of just yourself.

  2. Not learning another language. You’ll kick yourself when you realize you took three years of language in high school and remember none of it.

  3. Staying in a bad relationship. No one who ever gets out of a bad relationship looks back without wishing they made the move sooner.

  4. Forgoing sunscreen. Wrinkles, moles, and skin cancer can largely be avoided if you protect yourself.

  5. Missing the chance to see your favorite musicians. “Nah, dude, I’ll catch Nirvana next time they come through town.” Facepalm

  6. Being scared to do things. Looking back you’ll think, What was I so afraid of?

  7. Failing to make physical fitness a priority. Too many of us spend the physical peak of our lives on the couch. When you hit 40, 50, 60, and beyond, you’ll dream of what you could have done.

  8. Letting yourself be defined by gender roles. Few things are as sad as an old person saying, “Well, it just wasn’t done back then.”

  9. Not quitting a terrible job. Look, you gotta pay the bills. But if you don’t make a plan to improve your situation, you might wake up one day having spent 40 years in hell.

  10. Not trying harder in school. It’s not just that your grades play a role in determining where you end up in life. Eventually you’ll realize how neat it was to get to spend all day learning, and wish you’d paid more attention.

  11. Not realizing how beautiful you were. Too many of us spend our youth unhappy with the way we look, but the reality is, that’s when we’re our most beautiful.

  12. Being afraid to say “I love you.” When you’re old, you won’t care if your love wasn’t returned — only that you made it known how you felt.

  13. Not listening to your parents’ advice. You don’t want to hear it when you’re young, but the infuriating truth is that most of what your parents say about life is true.

  14. Spending your youth self-absorbed. You’ll be embarrassed about it, frankly.

  15. Caring too much about what other people think. In 20 years you won’t give a darn about any of those people you once worried so much about.

  16. Supporting others’ dreams over your own. Supporting others is a beautiful thing, but not when it means you never get to shine.

  17. Not moving on fast enough. Old people look back at the long periods spent picking themselves off the ground as nothing but wasted time.

  18. Holding grudges, especially with those you love. What’s the point of re-living the anger over and over?

  19. Not standing up for yourself. Old people don’t take sh*t from anyone. Neither should you.

  20. Not volunteering enough. OK, so you probably won’t regret not volunteering Hunger Games style, but nearing the end of one’s life without having helped to make the world a better place is a great source of sadness for many.

  21. Neglecting your teeth. Neglecting your teeth. Brush. Floss. Get regular checkups. It will all seem so maddeningly easy when you have dentures.

  22. Missing the chance to ask your grandparents questions before they die. Most of us realize too late what an awesome resource grandparents are. They can explain everything you’ll ever wonder about where you came from, but only if you ask them in time.

  23. Working too much. No one looks back from their deathbed and wishes they spent more time at the office, but they do wish they spent more time with family, friends, and hobbies.

  24. Not learning how to cook one awesome meal. Knowing one drool-worthy meal will make all those dinner parties and celebrations that much more special.

  25. Not stopping enough to appreciate the moment. Young people are constantly on the go, but stopping to take it all in now and again is a good thing.

  26. Failing to finish what you start. Failing to finish what you start. “I had big dreams of becoming a nurse. I even signed up for the classes, but then…”

  27. Never mastering one awesome party trick. You will go to hundreds, if not thousands, of parties in your life. Wouldn’t it be cool to be the life of them all?

  28. Letting yourself be defined by cultural expectations. Letting yourself be defined by cultural expectations. Don’t let them tell you, “We don’t do that.”

  29. Refusing to let friendships run their course. People grow apart. Clinging to what was, instead of acknowledging that things have changed, can be a source of ongoing agitation and sadness.

  30. Not playing with your kids enough. When you’re old, you’ll realize your kid went from wanting to play with you to wanting you out of their room in the blink of an eye.

  31. Never taking a big risk (especially in love). Knowing that you took a leap of faith at least once —even if you fell flat on your face — will be a great comfort when you’re old.

  32. Not taking the time to develop contacts and network. Networking may seem like a bunch of crap when you’re young, but later on it becomes clear that it’s how so many jobs are won.

  33. Worrying too much. As Tom Petty sang, “Most things I worry about never happen anyway.”

  34. Getting caught up in needless drama. Who needs it?

  35. Not spending enough time with loved ones. Our time with our loved ones is finite. Make it count.

  36. Never performing in front of others. This isn’t a regret for everyone, but many elderly people wish they knew — just once — what it was like to stand in front of a crowd and show off their talents.

  37. Not being grateful sooner.

It can be hard to see in the beginning, but eventually it becomes clear that every moment on this earth — from the mundane to the amazing — is a gift that we’re all so incredibly lucky to share.

Sallie

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Theme

 

” To produce a mighty book, you must create a mighty theme.”

Herman Melville

Journaling personal goals

Dear Fellow Journalers,

I want to warn you now, this is going to be a long post. It’s time to write about creating your personal goal(s) (how to identify, developing a plan on implementation and fighting your inner demons).

As we’ve seen, a dream or a goal is something we all share, but it’s the striving towards fulfillment and the achievement that makes the difference.

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Lao Tzu (Chinese Philosopher)

What is my goal?

     We all have dreams and goals of doing something, learning to play the piano, traveling to Ireland, acquiring a new position at work to name a few.

     Research show that when you base your goal on something that motivates you, you’re more likely to achieve it. So think about your life BEFORE you get out your journal. What would you like to change? It’s common during January to look at the new year with fresh eyes. If you were intent on achieving a goal, you look back at the past year and instead of seeing failures you see growth.

     Now, for those of you who didn’t set a goal last year and you’re starting to panic – STAY CALM. You can do this – it’s never to late to dream of doing more with your life.

     1. Start by thinking about what’s meaningful to you. Would you like to change your life style or make a new friend?  Do you need to spend more time with your family or learn to cook? At this point I would take separate sheets of lined paper and write a goal at the top of each paper. It’s ok for the ideas to be broad-based.

     2. Identify your “best possible self”. Here’s where visualization takes place. You need to see yourself in the future having achieved your goals and then consider the things you need to do to achieve them.

     Some time ago, I read an article about an American POW during the Vietnam War. He was asked about how he got through his days and he talked about his house. He asked himself what would I do, if I wanted to construct my home differently? Would I use the same lumber, the same type of windows, and how many rooms would I have? He “wrote” in his mind’s journal where he would build, who would he hire and about how many rooms he wanted to have. He even “drew up” a blueprint of his new home. In a sense, you’re going to do the same thing. Write down the steps you would need to take to achieve your goals. This may take a while as you start to actually visualize yourself achieving your goal. Would you need to learn a new skill or find someone to help you? There are many things to consider. Think about the skills you already have. You’re a good researcher; you like to talk in front of audiences etc.

     3. Prioritize your goals. Don’t focus on all of them or you’ll get overwhelmed and discouraged. Say your goals look something like this:

     a) Most important: family relationships, health style

     b) Travel to Seattle, WA

     c) Learn to knit

     Remember when you were in English class and the teacher said that if you wanted to write something meaningful for your reader, you had to focus on who, what, when, where and how. You need to answer those questions in the first few paragraphs of your article.

     Well, now you’re getting down to the specifics of a goal. Who is responsible? Learning to cook would take you and your teacher. Loosing weight requires the cooperation of family members and your determination to eat healthier meals.

     The what point makes you focus on exactly what you need to do. If learning how to eat healthier is your goal, then learning how to make healthy snacks for work is more specific.

     When to achieve your goal (as we’ve discussed in previous posts) is critical too. Be realistic when setting your time frame. I know from experience that you can’t lose 10 pounds in a week! You can however, with careful dieting, the help of your spouse, a plan and will power loose enough weight to fit into a fantastic new dress for your high school reunion. ( I did!)

     Sometimes the where is just plain obvious but write it down anyway. If you’re trying to lose weight and you’re going to exercise are you a) going to join a gym, b) run in your local park, or  c) power walk on your lunch hour.

     The how step defines your goal’s framework. For example, the veteran in the story above, planned on research to describe what type of windows worked with his design and where he would shop for them. If you were going to make smoothies, you would need to get the right cookbook, gather your kitchen tools together and buy ingredients.

     The why is pretty obvious but writing it down also brings the “big picture” into focus. It also helps to have a visual or picture close at hand to remind you of why you are doing all this work. I bought magnetic numbers from a dollar store and put the weight goal on my refrigerator along with a picture of the dress from the catalog. As the pounds dropped so did the numbers. I worked toward something positive (healthy life style, feeling better, more energy) rather than feeling I was moving away from “feeling fat”!

     As you move through your goals (both writing about them and implementing them) it helps to identify obstacles. If you have a plan to defeat them, your progress will be smoother and faster. Obstacles can be external, such as lack of money or time to achieve your goal. An action to overcome this obstacle would be to start small, buy a cookbook or borrow one from the library. Obstacles can be internal such as lack of information or an inner demon –

FEAR

     Using visualization to identify your “best possible self” also works when improving your performance in achieving your goal. As the pounds and inches dropped over the summer, I took the dress out of my closet and hung it in its plastic bag where I could see it daily. I would picture myself wearing the dress, dancing, greeting former classmates, writing about it on Facebook etc. I “saw” myself eating fruit and veggies and drinking lots of water. I “saw’ myself walking up and down our street.

     Sometimes when I was out at a restaurant and someone near me was eating a delicious looking dessert, I began to waver – “One little brownie won’t hurt” I heard in my head or “You’ve been working so hard and it’s a holiday. You deserve to take time off”. It was then that I turned to friends and family for encouragement. Oh and yes, the mirror never lies. Did I have a set back? Yeah, I did. But I thought about how far I’d come and then decided to reward my small successes. No, I did not use food. For each pound or inch lost, (I measured weekly) I bought myself some flowers. When I lost 5# or more, I went to my favorite craft store and when the dress fit and my goal was reached I bought new shoes to match my outfit.

     That’s just my example but there are legitimate inner demons that can plague a goal setter. Some of them are: false hope syndrome, perfectionism and down-right  making a fool of myself. Overcoming each of these demons can be overwhelming and “just saying no” isn’t the answer. Achieving a goal takes work, determination, the help of others and faith in yourself to achieve them. No matter what your struggles are and how you reached your goal you positively need to write down your journey to your best possible self. In that way, when you reach for the next goal, you will see your path ahead of you. Crossing off each goal is in itself an accomplishment and better than any “To Do” list I can imagine.

     My wish for you is that you reach your goals this year.

~Sallie

 

Happy Life

 

” If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not to people or things.”

Albert Einstein

The rest of my life

Dear Fellow Journalers,

Back in 2011, G wrote an article about goals entitled The Rest of my life”. He is gladly sharing it with us.

~Sallie

Subject: THE REST OF MY LIFE:

MY BIG ANNOUNCEMENT:

Whether I have 3 or 103 more years, I plan on living the rest of my life “in pursuit of”. What do I plan to pursue?

I’M GOING TO PURSUE KNOWLEDGE. I love learning! Always have. There’s so much I have to learn, and so little time left to learn it! I want to KNOW! I want to UNDERSTAND! I want to be a little bit smarter each and every day I have left to me. I’m starting all over again, and forever, NOW!

I’M GOING TO PURSUE KINDNESS. Not getting it, but GIVING it! I have always tried to be kind, but have often failed. That ends today! I’m going to be KIND. I’m going to do all in my power to help and aid my fellow-man. I will now always be mindful of Rudyard Kipling’s’ quote: I AM ONLY ONE, BUT I AM ONE! I CAN NOT DO EVERYTHING, BUT I CAN DO SOMETHING! AND WHAT I CAN DO, BY THE GRACE OF GOD, I WILL DO!

I’M GOING TO PURSUE LOVE. Again, not getting it, but GIVING it! I’m going to try like hell to follow that golden rule. I’m going to try to be like God himself when He simply forgives and loves me no matter what stupid, and sometimes hateful things I do. And again, I’ll start NOW.

I’M GOING TO PURSUE NOT BEING BITTER OR VENGEFUL If you “got over” on me, took advantage of me, or “knifed me”, I’m through wasting my time being bitter or vengeful. I’ve still got a whole, wide, wonderful life left to live!

I’M GOING TO PURSUE HAPPINESS. I’ve had much unhappiness in my life, but also a great share of happiness. I think now that my “days are numbered and drawing to a close”, I’m going to start to do more of the things that make me happy, and hope that my actions make others happy also, or at least, bring no unhappiness to others.

I’M GOING TO PURSUE LIFE. Isn’t it too bad that you have to get older to understand that you really need to pursue life, NOT have it pursue you??!! Sure, everyone needs money. Sure, everyone needs some “creature comfort.” Sure, everyone needs security. But somehow haven’t we all forgotten that what we need most of all is the pure appreciation of LIFE ITSELF!? For whatever time this old bastard has left, look for me to be REALLY APPRECIATING the simple fact of LIFE, and living it. To quote that old nonsense, I’m REALLY going to “stop and smell the roses.”

I’M GOING TO PURSUE EXPERIENCES. I’ve had about two trillion experiences in my life, some good and some bad, and a lot mundane. How I wish that I hadn’t  been either too busy, too preoccupied, or too damn stupid to have learned more from each and every one of them!

So my friends, that’s my BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! Am I crazy? SURE! But then again, YOU’ve ALWAYS known that about me! But may I add; CRAZY like a FOX!

You see, it’s taken me a lifetime to reach some of these conclusions. I don’t want you (those younger than me, at least) to waste anymore time! Take advantage of what I’ve learned, often the HARD way!

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